:: Weekend roller coaster part one: an open letter to the guy who stole my laptop ::

Monday, September 17, 2007

I like to think of you as a suave Thomas Crowne type, seeing as I was in a rather posh part of London when you took it. You probably saw me walk away for 90 seconds and glimpsed an opportunity to slum it for a night, to get back to the dirty but honorable low-brow roots of your profession, because honestly coming home each night to a townhouse blindingly decked out with priceless art and jewels felt so outdated. Maybe you're a Brigand Emeritus in the Thieving Guild and you sit there with the steering committee poring over membership reports year after year, noticing the inauspicious downward trend in membership (the RIAA keeps claiming that everybody's stealing music these days, but none of them want to unionize, dang it!) and trying to figure out some way to bring thievery into the 21st century without resorting to something beneath your station like fraternizing with the Russian Mafia's new cybercrimes unit, hugely successful though they may be. Maybe you got frustrated with the bureaucracy of it all (I mean the best they came up was the impotent slogan, "Fabergé is passé - steal an identity today!") and after a few pints at the local pub when you saw that bag sitting there and pegged me for a white-collar type who probably brought his computer from the office (you were half right but close enough) you just had to dabble in Thinkpad theft, had to see what the appeal around this high-tech bling was all about. Well, to quote Colonel George Taylor, "you got what you wanted, tiger, how does it taste?"

Jerkface.

(title inspired by Bruce McCulloch)

Posted by morland @ 03:51 PM

:: Comments ::

awesome.

Posted by: Nate on September 20, 2007 03:39 PM

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