:: Spice up your routine epiphanies with a little imagination! ::

Thursday, March 03, 2005

My great realization of the day was that one paper towel is sometimes insufficient for drying my hands. Here's what a blog entry about that might look like:

Today I used the restroom and took only one sheet of the paper towels provided to dry my hands. More and more I am coming to believe that one sheet of paper towel is insufficient. Tomorrow I will use two.

The banality of it hits you like several ounces of bricks. Yet when written by guest blogger Colonel Max-million AlphaDance, lead singer of the J-Pop group "Happy Danger Federation", this revelation is made exciting by capitalizing on foreign cultural stereotypes and the universal allure of fame:

Today was dreary. I spoke before the lower house of the Diet on the importance of overhauling the governmental pension system in preparation for the rapid aging of our populace. I suspect Koizumi is using me as a pawn to market his plan to the youth, those most likely to be hurt by the financial belt-tightening caused by the (inevitable) demographic changes, but I will play along for now in the interest of calling in a favor or two from his cabinet in the future.

Afterwards, I made a brief appearance on one of the homogeneous variety shows on NTV. I used the restroom and took only one sheet of the paper towels provided to dry my hands. More and more I am coming to believe that one sheet of paper towel is insufficient. Tomorrow I will use two.

I ended the day by purchasing a yacht which I will use only for private liaisons with many of the beautiful women whom I arrange to be collected at my concerts (inspired by hair-rock bands of 1980s America, my group has devised a reward system through which we remunerate members of our technical and administrative support staff for seeking out and taking backstage during shows attractive members of the opposite [or in Takeshi's case, same] sex for company and "romantic" conquest - the system is tiered such that the first-place winner receives the greatest compensation but participants need not receive the highest score to be awarded cash or perks, thus providing incentive for new and less-skilled employees to take part despite fears of not being able to win outright). The yacht has an advanced GPS navigation system and mini bar. Of the two, the mini bar will prove far more useful, as - given its purpose - I do not intend to remove the boat from its mooring.

Posted by morland @ 05:47 PM

:: Comments ::

Morland, we were notified of a potential namesake/trademarke/copyright infringement by your blog. Any future impersonation of our client, Colonel AlphaDance Esq., will be met with a flurry of civil lawsuits. Please act accordingly.

Posted by: The Law Firm of Dewey, Cheatham & Howe on March 4, 2005 12:33 PM

The traffic simulator on the side bar is mesmerizing. What disturbs is that I don't know why I find it so interesting.

Posted by: Al on March 4, 2005 01:00 PM

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