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:: Dream weevil ::
Thursday, July 22, 2004
A coworker asked me what my dreams were today. She said:
You got to have a dream,
If you don't have a dream,
How you gonna have a dream come true?
It's from South Pacific, a musical about fathering children out of wedlock on a deserted island full of randy GIs and Polynesian prostitutes, then dealing with the consequences maturely... in song. She's right though, I need a dream or two, perhaps maybe just a hobby.
Or maybe the dreams I have just aren't dope enough. So I'm announcing the inaugural post of a series I'm calling "Pimp My Dream". It's just like "Pimp My Ride". I bring out my dream, then you guys customize it, and ultimately we have Xzibit show me around highlighting all the bling and trying to calm me down as I'm on the verge of tears (henceforth known as "the saline precipice"). Here's how it might go down:
Me:
I dream of leading a life of public service.
You guys:
Commenter 1: You should be the mayor of a large metropolis. They are well-connected and generally wealthy.
Commenter 2: The life of a mayor often involves exciting extra-marital sex.
Commenter 3: The woman with whom you conduct an extra-marital affair should be attractive.
Commenter 4: If you become mayor, please resume trash pickup on Sundays.
The unveiling:
Xzibit: Check it out, we got this fly mansion over here...
[rapid-fire cut to: exterior of large, stately house - walk-in humidor - butler]
Morland: Oh man!
X: ...and around back, several satchels of money...
[cut to: huge bags of money with dollar signs on them]
M: yo!
X: ...that's right dawg, and we dropped this fly mistress on the side...
[cut to: 180-degree quick-pan of bikini-clad hottie in hot tub]
M: word!
X: ...plus you instituted 7-day trash pickup while still managing to keep a stable budget, which has brought your approval rating up to 76%.
M: [with feeling] I love you Xzibit.
See how it works? Fairly straightforward. So let's begin:
I dream of attaining a graduate degree of some sort.
Posted by morland @ 11:56 PM
:: Comments ::
You should get a MD specializing in gynecology.
Posted by: Nathan on July 23, 2004 01:33 AM
masters in physical education.
Posted by: dr. glasses on July 23, 2004 09:42 AM
You should be a TA for a class like Psych 100, thus introducing yourself to the nubile freshman.
Posted by: LW on July 23, 2004 10:15 AM
Do you have to go to grad school to be a rabbi?
Posted by: Alexis on July 23, 2004 01:24 PM
You should attend the Barrett School of Unrealized Dreams. Available areas of study: Sloth, Self-Loathing, Moving Back in With Parents, Intermittent Bursts of Grandiosity (with a concentration in Making an Absolute Jerk of Yourself), Post-Grandiosity Recognition of Total Worthlessness, Experiencing Happiness through Alcohol.
Tuition is inversely proportional to self-esteem. Scholarships awarded for lack of merit only.
Posted by: barrett on July 23, 2004 01:56 PM
i saw an interview with Xibit yesterday and it was awesome. even he had to admit that it was ridiculous his show is so popular. he admitted to spending literally an hour or so a week doing it. pretty funny actually.
Posted by: rob on July 23, 2004 02:31 PM
doctorate in awesome
Posted by: dr. glasses on July 23, 2004 03:17 PM
you've already gotten your masters in bating, if you know what i'm talking about.
Posted by: the guy who lived in vail on July 23, 2004 06:28 PM
masters in eye rolling, phd in superiority.
or if you're kanye west, "a phd - a pretty huge dick."
Posted by: choistein on July 24, 2004 02:29 AM
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