Man. Myth. Morland.: Melanomore

"Like cigarette smoke, there is no acceptable dose for UV radiation. Every exposure could have an adverse effect," said Dr. David Leffell, Professor of Dermatology and Surgery at Yale School of Medicine. "While the danger of sun exposure is a year-round issue, we see prolonged exposure in the summer leading to increased sun damage risks. People should still enjoy their time outdoors, but by making a simple behavior change - sun protection every day- they may reduce their risk of developing skin cancer."

"Clearly there is an unmet need for sun safety education, particularly with younger age groups," said Mike Concannon, Vice President of Suncare Marketing from Schering-Plough HealthCare Products, Inc. "This is why Coppertone [the leading suncare brand] is dedicating its resources and energies to raise awareness about the harmful effect of the sun's rays by launching a consumer awareness campaign to help Americans get smart about the sun. As a part of this campaign, we have declared May as Sun Awareness Month."

Agency Rep: Good, that press release is a start, but we need to take it one step farther.

Coppertone Executive: What do you mean? We basically insinuated that failing to use our product and going outdoors is tantamount to a death sentence.

AR: No, we used equivocal terms like "risk" and "could have". In the future, change those to "certain peril" and "will, without the slightest shred of doubt". Also mention that solar radiation has ties to Al Qaeda. And France.

AR: Change "every sunburn increases a child's chance of getting skin cancer as an adult" to "every sunburn makes your child less popular and decreases their chances of admittance into a top-tier college". And replace "I'm an expert - I became one when I had my own skin cancer removed last year" with "I'm an expert - skin cancer assaulted me as I was loading groceries into my minivan, whisked me away to an abandoned factory, silenced me with an asbestos ball-gag, and had its way with me. Now I have mesothelioma and my second child has skin cancer's eyes. I don't dare tell my husband - he's got quite a temper." When she says that last line, make sure she takes of a pair of sunglasses to reveal a nice shiner of a black eye.

AR: SILENCE. Wait, it's coming to me... "skin cancer has also been implicated in several S&L scandals and the devaluation of the ruble. Skin cancer hates America. NO NEED TO PANIC, BUT IF YOU DO NOT USE OUR PRODUCT YOUR LINEAGE WILL BE DESTROYED IRREVOCABLY. BUY OR FACE THE TOTAL EXTINCTION OF YOUR GENES. BUY OR DIE!"