:: Spinach accomplished ::

Thursday, May 13, 2004

Since no one decided to take me up on my offer to go out (or maybe that was the point) I fulfilled my promise to consume one onion, one pound of frozen spinach, a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, and a six-pack of Bud Light "tallboys" pantsless in my bedroom, alone. Read on for photo-documentation.

All the ingredients neatly arranged. I'm not an ice cream connoisseur, so I picked the flavor closest to the edge, which was chocolate chip cookie dough. This was myopic. The chopped onion and spinach went into the rice cooker. A more versatile kitchen appliance you will not find. While the mixture was heating up, I cracked open the first beer. You can tell there's some serious cooking going on because of that glowing "cooking" light. The finished product. I then adjourned to my bedroom for consumption. The spinach/onion mixture was a breeze, and the first two beers went down quickly. The real challenge began with the ice cream. As the snap of the aluminum seal breaking reverberated through my head, I was filled with foreboding. Slowly but surely I whittled away at that gooey-sweet pint. By this point my beer imbibing had slowed considerably. So close I could taste it... Success never tasted so sweet. Hear that? That's the sound of my heart not beating. At this point my distended innards convinced me that my dreams of opening up a "Beer n' Cream" franchise were quixotic at best. And here's a shot of my posterior for posterity. While I wasn't actually passing out at the time, this accurately encapsulates the effect of the whole experience. If anyone wants a hi-res version of this to use as desktop wallpaper or anything, just let me know. I can't see why anyone wouldn't.

Seriously though, I hate you guys for goading me into this.

Posted by morland @ 12:25 AM

:: Comments ::

These are glorious.
I have just gotten off the phone with morland, and I would just like to testify to his state of wastedness and nausea.

Posted by: choistein on May 13, 2004 12:30 AM

nice ass.

Posted by: the guy who lived in vail on May 13, 2004 03:39 AM

In an attempt to quantify your behavior, I offer the following results of a little web searching, just to see where you are out of the over 4 billion web sites indexed by Google:

to start... tallboys: #232 out of 5,280 sites
*interestingly, pushfluids.com came in at both #41 and #89 for this search. congratulations, dr. glasses.

next... ice cream(w/o ""): ? of 5,360,000
*i only looked through the first hundred. sorry.

put 'em together... tallboys, ice cream: #16 of 248
*beginning to carve out your niche here

night on the town... tallboys, ice cream, pants: #3 of 72

or maybe just a gourmet night for singles... tallboys, spinach, onion, ice cream: #1 of 9

with pants?... tallboys, spinach, onion, ice cream, pants: #1 of 2

Fuck pants... tallboys, spinach, onion, ice cream, pants-less: #1 of 1

... Of 1. 4 BILLION web pages, and google could not find this combination anywhere else, but here. Not even in profiles, where, I think you and I both know, there are some moderately strange combinations. What does this tell us? I'll tell you.

Mike, when you throw everyone together and start matching 'em up, you would be the perfect mate for - maybe - one other person. And, Mike, and, in all likelihood, that mate is a drunken, fat, diabetic pervert with nearly incomprehensible bad-breath. I have never seen made a better case for celibacy. good luck, mike. with... things.

Posted by: barrett on May 13, 2004 05:57 PM

I'm starting to have my doubts. Why can't we see the bottom of that ice cream container? I think you're trying to conceal a little something something, if you know what I mean. And why does your blog just now finally remember me, when I've been commenting on your blog for at least a year now?

Posted by: choistein on May 15, 2004 03:22 AM

mike, that is beautiful. i agree that beer n cream is myopic, but i think sounds n cream is nice (stereo systems and ice cream, no?)

holler this weekend.

Posted by: graham on May 19, 2004 05:13 PM

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