I'm setting up a test blog to use with Blogplanet. I will be updating it while on the go tonight. Stop by and look. Al the posts have an annoying footer, but I'll deal for now.
Okay, I missed the last one, but there's time for redemption yet. Anyone feel like going with me?
Date: Wed, 25 Jun 2003 20:48:53 -0700 (PDT)
From: The Mob Project
Subject: MOB #3
To: themobproject@yahoo.com
You are invited to take part in MOB, the project that creates an inexplicable mob of people in New York City for ten minutes or less. Please forward this to other people you know who might like to join.
FAQ
Q. For a mob to be inexplicable, does it need to take place in an otherwise empty space?
A. No.
INSTRUCTIONS - MOB #3: THE GRAND CENTRAL MOB BALLET
Location: Grand Central Terminal
Start time: Wednesday, July 2nd, 7:04 pm
Duration: less than 10 minutes
(1) During the day on July 2nd:
(a) Synchronize your watch to http://www.time.gov/timezone.cgi?Eastern/d/-5/java/java. (If that site doesn't work for you, try http://www.time.gov/timezone.cgi?Eastern/d/-5.)
(b) On the front of a $1 bill, write the word "MOB" over the word "ONE" on the right-hand side. If you are concerned about the legality of this, write in pencil. Keep the $1 bill handy.
(c) Wear comfortable shoes.
(2) Arrive at Grand Central by 6:45 pm. By then, representatives of the MOB will have stationed themselves in or near the downstairs food court. They will all be reading The New York Review of Books. (NOTE: the covers of their copies might not be visible. Please familiarize yourself with the fonts and layout of that periodical before arriving at the MOB.)
(3) Based on the month of your birth, specify one of the following letters to the MOB representative:
A: January through April
B: May through August
C: September through December
You will be given a slip on which further instructions will be printed. This slip is your "travel itinerary" and may be consulted in public.
(4) MOB #3 consists of a series of short mobs. The first will begin at 7:04. You may place yourself at the MOB site up to two minutes beforehand -- i.e., anytime after 7:02. NO ONE SHOULD ARRIVE AT THE FIRST MOB SITE UNTIL 7:01.
(5) Unlike in MOB #2, you do not know each other. Do not speak to anyone, including other MOB participants. If you are asked a question, limit your responses to one of the following:
* "I am looking for my train"
* "I think these people may be taking the same train I am"
* "My train is supposed to leave from down here"
* "When I saw all these people come down here, I figured I should too"
* "I am taking a train to [suburban town] to visit my [relative]"
* "I am taking a train to a mob"
(6) Based on the itinerary, the MOB will end and you will disperse. NO ONE SHOULD REMAIN AT THE MOB SITE MORE THAN TWO MINUTES AFTER THE MOB IS OVER.
(7) Return to what you would otherwise have been doing. Await instructions for MOB #4.
Chronological list of commercials during an episode of an unnamed show which aired at 10pm tonight:
First break:
= Network promo
= Network promo
= Levis commercial (herd of bison charging willy-nilly down highway, but sparing fashionable denim-clad couple)
= Snapple (yard sale spot with anthropomorphic bottle actors)
= Sprite (with Biz Markie, The Neptunes, P. Ditty)
= "Beach Blonde" hair products (wtf?)
= Taco Bell (late night promo - appropriate)
= Axe body spray (girls defying expectations by reacting in accordance with male fantasies)
= 1-800 Call ATT (Carrottop in western saloon - extremely annoying)
= Legally Blonde 2 (trend forming... blondes)
= Network promo
Second break:
= Network promo
= Exact same Levis ad as before
= Snapple (running of guinea pigs)
= Exact same Taco Bell ad as before
= Exact same Axe ad as before
= Bad Boys II (wow, what a horrible-looking movie)
= 1-800 Call ATT(Carrottop with motocross bikers - hypereffingannoying)
= Dell interns ("Dell Designers" spot - interns are in awe of laughably exaggerated iconoclastic and brilliant designers)
= Network promo
Conclusions:
Repetition is the name of the game.
I should dye my hair and/or wear jeans.
No, wait. I'll become a hip crime-fighting vice lawyer who designs computer hardware on the side, smells so good that all females become subservient caricatures, loves washing down grade-D "mexican" cuisine with either "Limon" soda or fruity corn-sweetened beverages, and harbors a penchant for denim and blonde women. That is, when I'm not too busy "dialing down the center".
What would comprise a more fitting break? Let me take a stab by examining the docket for a commercial break on my upcoming reality show, which will break all television paradigms heretofore blithely accepted as standard (hint: it involves 20 diseased strangers, grain alcohol, and harpoons):
Only break:
= Network promo (I understand these are needed - you've got to hype your shows somewhere besides Entertainment Weekly)
= Spot for the color orange (an underappreciated color)
= Get rich quick scheme involving Laotian street-signs (the key word here is volume)
= "Paint Thinner: My Anti-Drug" (hey, those DEA types pay well)
= The alpaca commercial
= Promo for "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang"
= Vintage "Care Bears" ad
= Network promo
The Senate is considering, and seriously at that, passing legislation which would not only reverse the recent deregulation ruling by the FCC, but actually go a step or two further, possibly requiring companies like Clear Channel to divest itself of some assets. This is good news.
I heard about this the day of, but I didn't think it would result in much (and I knew no one would attend with me). Guess next time I'll have to check it out.
BBC America is showing The Office every night at 10pm this week. If you get a chance, watch it. Think Christopher Guest meets Corporate America... er, England.
If you don't have BBC America, order the first season on DVD.
I am disappointed to announce that after over two years of valiant, dependable, dedicated, and nigh-constant service, I am retiring my old pair of shoes. They served me well and I wish them luck in their new pursuit as doorstops. Unfortunately, as is often the case with old age, their usefulness waned; the growth of an unsightly and debilitating gash in particular precluded continued service. While gone, they will not be forgotten for their legendary versatility, protecting my feet and providing unparalleled traction while hiking down the Grand Canyon and groveling for doughnuts while destitute on the street.
You know, generally I try to convince myself that my entries are slightly interesting, but I know I'll never match the eloquence of some, the insight of others, and the mammoth linkfest of yet more. The odd exceptional blogger even manages to combine all these best elements and rise to the top of the pseudo-meritocracy that is the blogsphere. I know well, and actually embrace, the mediocrity that is this humble blog (my professional career is a different story - when will the academy recognize my brilliance? I practically reinvented modern dance over the last 15 years and all I have to show for it is a stress fracture and a crappy "letter of commendation" from some second-rate community college student group). It's liberating. But when you see that no matter how much you fixate on the mundane minutiae or write about extremely uninteresting topics, you're still going to be second-best... well that's just a cornucopia of despair. Enter "The dullest blog in the world".
I got to try out my new umbrella last night and this morning. It's awesome. The combination of the auto-close feature with the Teflon coating results in almost no moisture residue - the modicum of water that actually sticks to the surface flies off as it collapses. It's solid, durable, and effective; three attributes which would not apply to its p.o.s. $4 predecessor. I'll post pictures soon.
It's the disease du jour, and what better way to honor this
hilariously-named affliction than with a party? Sandwiched neatly
between "Fiesta del SARS" and "West Nile Wild Style", "Monkeypox Retox"
is sure to provide hours of sickly but lesion-free fun!
Also, it's my birthday.
There will be food, antibiotics, and probably some booze, but if you
want to bring anything, feel free. I'd apologize for the late notice,
but it was a calculated maneuver to reduce the size of the attending
group as my apartment can only hold about 15 people simultaneously. If
the weather's nice, we can adjourn to the roof.
For those of you unable to attend because of quarantine, I've set up a
handy live webcast.
Damn it. I didn't even know there was going to be a Real World Paris (<-- this is where I would normally include a link to further contextualize the entry and provide the reader with an easy path to additional resources, but there's no way in hell I've sunk low enough to link to mtv just yet) but I happened to catch the premiere totally by accident. Now I'm compelled to watch the whole season voraciously, if only for closure's sake.
It wasn't always this way... I made a conscious effort to stop watching after Miami, catching the occasional Boston or Hawaii episode, but then a girl with whom I went to school with was on Chicago and I was subsequently lured into the hedonistic cauldron of Las Vegas. I hate youth culture and I hate that I love it. I hate that I'm almost too old to be casted for this bastion of vicarious frivolity.
[Alas, all the articulacy in the world won't save me from the fact that I still watch shows with Stridex commercials.]
St. Bernards are big, playful, cuddly dogs that love to guard office buildings and bite your hands until the elevator comes. Then you can lay your head on them and take a nap before the long scooter ride home. At least that's what the dream I had last night leads me to believe.
