:: Commercial breaking it down ::

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

Chronological list of commercials during an episode of an unnamed show which aired at 10pm tonight:

First break:

= Network promo
= Network promo
= Levis commercial (herd of bison charging willy-nilly down highway, but sparing fashionable denim-clad couple)
= Snapple (yard sale spot with anthropomorphic bottle actors)
= Sprite (with Biz Markie, The Neptunes, P. Ditty)
= "Beach Blonde" hair products (wtf?)
= Taco Bell (late night promo - appropriate)
= Axe body spray (girls defying expectations by reacting in accordance with male fantasies)
= 1-800 Call ATT (Carrottop in western saloon - extremely annoying)
= Legally Blonde 2 (trend forming... blondes)
= Network promo

Second break:

= Network promo
= Exact same Levis ad as before
= Snapple (running of guinea pigs)
= Exact same Taco Bell ad as before
= Exact same Axe ad as before
= Bad Boys II (wow, what a horrible-looking movie)
= 1-800 Call ATT(Carrottop with motocross bikers - hypereffingannoying)
= Dell interns ("Dell Designers" spot - interns are in awe of laughably exaggerated iconoclastic and brilliant designers)
= Network promo

Conclusions:

Repetition is the name of the game.
I should dye my hair and/or wear jeans.

No, wait. I'll become a hip crime-fighting vice lawyer who designs computer hardware on the side, smells so good that all females become subservient caricatures, loves washing down grade-D "mexican" cuisine with either "Limon" soda or fruity corn-sweetened beverages, and harbors a penchant for denim and blonde women. That is, when I'm not too busy "dialing down the center".

What would comprise a more fitting break? Let me take a stab by examining the docket for a commercial break on my upcoming reality show, which will break all television paradigms heretofore blithely accepted as standard (hint: it involves 20 diseased strangers, grain alcohol, and harpoons):

Only break:

= Network promo (I understand these are needed - you've got to hype your shows somewhere besides Entertainment Weekly)
= Spot for the color orange (an underappreciated color)
= Get rich quick scheme involving Laotian street-signs (the key word here is volume)
= "Paint Thinner: My Anti-Drug" (hey, those DEA types pay well)
= The alpaca commercial
= Promo for "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang"
= Vintage "Care Bears" ad
= Network promo

Posted by morland @ 12:17 AM

:: Comments ::

As for your proposed reality televison show,
>(hint: it involves 20 diseased strangers, grain >alcohol, and harpoons)
I would throw in duct tape, the world's largest burrito, and Glover's gay sock puppet...
then you have Kurtis Blow record the show's theme song and hire Dikembe Mutombo as the host....
that's prime time right there.

Posted by: eben on June 25, 2003 05:50 PM

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