:: Shotgun Shogun ::

Wednesday, January 29, 2003

I'd like to dedicate this particular entry to a game which has a tendency to pop up sporadically in my life, but has nonetheless played a pivotal role in shaping my character, world-view, and sense of wondrous awe. I speak, naturally, of "Big Buck Hunter".

Never have I come across such an apt electronic-gaming-product-as-a-metaphor-for-life. It's man versus nature, man versus himself, and man versus his fellow man. You, the player, must harness the full capability of your senses, reflexes, and dexterity to bag yerself a real beaut of a virtual buck - it's a redneck's dream and a taxidermist's worst financial nightmare.

And what fuels it all? Cold hard cash. Big Buck Hunter siphons off your drinking money like a greedy methed-up cross-country trucker in an I-70 Cracker Barrel parking lot on a petrol bender, using his newly-purchased rubber hose and hand pump to methodically suck the gas from every diesel tank in sight.

So let's review how this miracle-cum-box-with-orange-shotgun befits its place as an analogue to life, in the style of one of those "Everything I Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten" posters:

• Each new place (East, South, Midwest, West) brings its own idiosyncrasies and quirks.
• You never know just how many bucks are going to be out on that field, how they're laid out, or how they're going to scatter.
• Two or three random hits will bring down your target, but a single well-placed shot (preferably to the neck, but this stretches the metaphor) will slay even the largest of beasts.
• You can hunt alone, or with friends, but it's you who has to ultimately pull the cheaply-made plastic trigger.
• Sometimes you're riding high (double-bucking a couple of prize 12-pointers), sometimes you sabotage your own immediate chances for success ("shoot a doe"), and sometime you just plain miss.
• No matter how well you do, when your time's up, you're through.
• It's expensive.

Posted by morland @ 02:58 PM

:: Comments ::

dude, we need to play this game...what bars have it?

Posted by: alex on January 29, 2003 05:30 PM

I noticed bleecker street bar had it, and last night we were playing it at sophie's

Posted by: morland on January 29, 2003 06:26 PM

I quote my favorite Bostonian Mormon when he says, "it makes me think of Budweiser and Whiskey and Ohio backwoods partying."

Posted by: Al on January 30, 2003 05:23 AM

the high score for BBH in STL is 18K @ Helen Fitzgeralds. a mystical fellow by the name of Kurtie D did the shootin.
sup orlando

Posted by: hoy on January 31, 2003 03:23 PM

Corriganiiinnno. Shit. What's that STL slang Nate so often used to describe this Italian's appearance/essensce/machismo?

Posted by: Al on January 31, 2003 09:50 PM

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