:: Kiss off! ::

Tuesday, December 17, 2002

Dear fellow straphangers:

Please stop making out with each other next to me on the subway. You have no need to prove your love to me.

To the first couple I encountered on this morning’s commute I say this: I first suspected you might be have been intoxicated with each other when your gazes locked intently and deeply for close to 10 minutes, without so much as blinking. My suspicions were confirmed when you embraced and cuddled, swaying to and fro, in unison, with the rhythmic gyration of the L-train car. The lip-locking session that followed was completely superfluous.

To the second couple trying to tongue themselves into one entity: it was sweet of you to think that I might have been experiencing some separation anxiety after the first couple departed at Union Square. I’m sure the alacrity with which you picked up where they left off was a product of only the best of intentions, but I can assure you - for now and evermore - that I was more than ok with it. It didn’t help that you (successfully) tried to exceed their lip-smacking clamor.

All who consider following in their footsteps, take this simple Johnny Cochran-esque rhyme to heart: if it’s a public space, don’t suck face.

(especially next to me on the subway: I’ve got a mace)

Posted by morland @ 11:52 AM

:: Comments ::

Intimidated by others' self-confidence and ease?
No- just "disgusted", right?
Forgive my sappiness, but love is beautiful. It should be regarded, wherever it may be found, with the same reverence that we normally reserve for Pacific sunsets and Jason Kidd-led fast breaks.
Why do some rhythmic gyrations, like those executed by your adversaries on the L-train today, make you cringe, while other, very similar motions/interactions, like those performed by (to put it succinctly) porn actors and the like, make you drool? (Note: not a question for you alone, my beloved morland, but everybody, myself included). Why do you seek out the one which is insincere, and avert your eyes from that which is genuine?
Forgive my defensiveness regarding the subject matter, but the "lip-smacking clamor" which you revile is one of the very few things which gets me out of bed in the morning, and I don't think we should feel discomforted by it (and certainly not enraged enough to whip out mace), public space or not.

That being said, I try not to tongue my woman in public- it is excessive and extreme, after all.

Posted by: Grenergy on December 17, 2002 02:54 PM

I think you missed the subtle subtext here, which roughly equated to: "fuck you for being happy and in love".

(and it was a mace, like the medieval spiked-sphere-on-a-chain, not mace, like pepper spray)

Posted by: morland on December 17, 2002 04:21 PM

i'll make out with you on the subway if it'll make you feel better about yourself.

Posted by: josh on December 17, 2002 06:53 PM

Oh, morland, sorry about the "mace" mix-up- I was not aware that you were a man who knows how to Rick.

For those interested, terms such as "Naz" and "Rick" have fallen by the wayside in recent years, only to be replaced in The Wug Test lexicon by words describing equally inane behaviors. Check here: http://wisebytes.net/research/old_web/2011_97/wug.htm

Posted by: Grenergy on December 17, 2002 07:19 PM

I'll let you get to second base maybe, but you still won't get to the pitcher's mound (i.e. the top of my thumb)

Posted by: morland on December 17, 2002 07:20 PM

been there done that morland. i am so over the top of your thumb.

all i want to do is poke your tragus 4 times in rapid succession.

Posted by: josh on December 17, 2002 09:45 PM

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