:: Gummy woes ::

Tuesday, July 16, 2002

The scariest dream I ever had was as follows:

I was on an ornate pirate ship, somewhere in the middle of an ocean or similarly large body of water. The ship was seemingly abandoned, and I took my time wandering about its many decks, enjoying the exploration. Suddenly, a mist/fog/haze began to cloud the skies. Visibility was reduced to nigh zero, and I sensed danger approaching (a possible explanation for this is that I may have been equipped with one or more of the following: "Spidey-sense", clairvoyance, or Yuri Geller ESP - but I can't be sure). I headed to the forecastle of the ship, hoping to provide myself with a good vantage point. Scanning the water, I detected the smell of some indistinct fruit. I turned to see a large Polynesian man, complete with grass skirt and headdress, standing before me. He eyed me tentatively, then leaned over.

"Hubba-Bubba," he said, as if cautiously introducing himself, or informing me of some clandestine plot. Almost simultaneously, he held up a pack of the eponymous gum. For those of you who may not remember, Hubba Bubba was a flavorful chewing gum produced by Wrigley and targeted at youngsters through flashy TV ads. You who doubt the power of advertising, I am living proof that it can infiltrate the ID.

Anyway, the sight of this large islander and his bubble gum inculcated me with such terrible fright that I screamed at the top of my lungs and bolted for the edge of the deck. Without hesitation, I leapt overboard and dove into the water, at which point I sat up in my bed, drenched in my own sweat and shaking with pure, unmitigated terror. I vowed never to chew Hubba Bubba again, which was exceptionally hard considering it was bursting with flavor and always came in substantial quantities.

I look back on this moment of my life with fascination. It's a classic coming of age experience: a man must overcome his debilitating fear of bubble gum and push onward into the night. I was 5.

Posted by morland @ 11:59 AM

:: Comments ::

Ha! One of my favorites! What is your attitude now towards the chewy tormentor of your youth?

If you want to be scared now, hubbabubba.com is pretty frightening.

Posted by: Scott Ganz on July 16, 2002 10:17 PM

I now fear anything with "gum" in it, including:

Gumbo

Gumby

Gumption

and so on

Posted by: Morland on July 17, 2002 09:59 AM

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